


Mr. Houdini You're a Freak Show

by princessmikey



Series: Carousel [1]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: 60s AU, M/M, Sad Ending, Summer Romance, fem!Luke, luke is part of the freak show, traveling fair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-06-04 05:58:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6644122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princessmikey/pseuds/princessmikey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>But since he met Luke, he believed again. He believed things could get better. He showed Michael that he could smile again, that there was a place he belonged. Luke reminded Michael of his mother, and the Sunday morning they would make cookies together. Luke reminded Michael that there was some good in the world.</p><p>Luke made Michael happy, and Michael liked to believe that he did the same for Luke. He liked to believe that he was the reason Luke was smiling up at him, and he was the reason for the pink blush on his cheeks. Michael liked to believe he and Luke were made for each other, like two halves of a soul, becoming one.</p><p>-</p><p>or the one where Luke is part of the freak show because he like's dresses, and Michael thinks the dresses look stunning on him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mr. Houdini You're a Freak Show

Michael walked through the fairgrounds, the orange hued gravel covering his black boots. He inhaled the scent of artificial food and grease, and heard his ears ring from the excited screams of children as they ran around.

Michael thought the place was supposed to bring him joy, it was supposed to make him feel something besides the burning emptiness filling his heart. Michael was wrong. The place was just an annoyance. There were kids running amuck, and he was run into multiple times. The only reason Michael stayed was because it was still better than his house. At least this place smelt like sugar, and at least the energy was filled with excitement.

Michael walked through the fair for the whole day, searching hard to find the appeal of it. All the kids in his neighborhood had been counting down the days until it got here, they had been saving their loose change so that they could go.

The hype had gotten to Michael, made him dream of going, dream of being enchanted by the glowing lights, and the energetic beats of the carousel. Michael had even made a plan to jump the fence, that's how he was here today, and then he would spend the entire day alone, enjoying the wondrous carnival.

Michael was of course let down, the carnival was nothing more than a loud disappointment. Michael wasn't sure why he got his hopes up anymore, nothing was interesting to a cold heart.

Michael decided to just leave, the endless screams beginning to give him a headache, and the cotton candy stench making him sick. Michael walked to the fence where he entered, planning to jump it on his way out, this way he was avoiding the risk of being caught.

Michael was almost to the fence when he stopped. He heard the familiar bitter laugh of his neighbor Charlie. Michael rolled his eyes, wondering who the poor victim of Charlie's humiliation was.

Michael was just going to continue out of the fair, but his conscious got the best of him, and he turned to see who the poor kid was. What Michael saw was the group of neighborhood brats crowded around what Michael figured to be a person. Michael sighed, annoyed at the amount of work this was turning out to be.

Michael walked over to the group, pushing a few to the side to see what they were all looking at. Michael's brain spun in amazement when he saw what the commotion was about.

In the center of the circle was a small looking boy, laying on his side, dirt caking his skin. The boy was wearing the most beautiful dress, and his eyes sparkled a soft blue. Michael found the boy truly beautiful, and he had never seen anything like him.

"Leave him alone." Michael spoke when he saw Charlie kick the poor boy in the ribs.

"Why should we? This freak should learn to wear the right clothes." Charlie replied coldly, his boot colliding with the boy's stomach, causing the pretty blond to cry in pain.

"The only freak I see here is you. I mean, it must take a freak to pick on a pretty blue eyed boy." Michael replied, stepping in front of the crying boy, making sure that Charlie couldn't kick him again.

"Aw. The faggot has a crush." Charlie cooed, his eyes turning a dark, wicked blue.

"I'm sure your mother would love to hear about you being a dick again. Last time she was grateful of me for telling her." Michael smirked.

The comment caused Charlies mouth to fall open, and the click shut just as quick, his eyes slanting in burning hatred.

"You tell her, and I tell your daddy that you stopped us from beating another fag like you." Charlie grinned.

"I don't really care what you do." Michael replied, holding his ground, and staring down the obnoxious boy. "If you are still in my line of sight in ten second then your mother will hear about this."

"Fine. You win this time Clifford, but you might want to watch your back." Charlie threatened.

"Oh, wow. You really scared me." Michael replied sarcastically. He wasn't scared at all. The whole neighborhood knew Michael could take Charlie. Michael was tall and muscular, and he hung around with a gang of kids just the same. Charlie on the other hand, was medium height, and he had a small amount of muscle, but the only intimidating thing about him was his vicious eyes that only held a black void of evil.

Charlie scowled, but turned on his heels, and stomped out of Michael's sight. The rest of the crowd watched Charlie leave, and then turned to a strong standing Michael, an intimidating look in his green eyes.

"What are you guys still doing here? Scram." Michael yelled. The kids all stared wide eyed, but then all turned on their heels, and ran.

Once the kids were out of Michael's sight, he turned to the boy who was still laying on the ground, tears cleaning little rivers in his dirt caked face.

"Are you okay?" Michael asked, offering a hand to help the boy up. The boy nodded slowly, his shaky hand accepting Michael's.

"Thank you." He whispered softly, his voice almost unheard.

"Eh. Don't thank me. I'll take any chance to put that kid in his place." Michael replied, a smile taking his lips, trying to put the boy at ease.

"Well, thank you anyway." The boy replied, looking down at the dirt. "Do you really think I'm pretty?" The boy mumbled.

Michael was taken aback by the question, thinking to what he said earlier. He did recall saying he was pretty, and then commented on his ocean blue eyes, the kind that Michael wanted to escape to.

"Probably the prettiest boy I've seen." Michael replied coolly, taking a cigarette from his pocket, and placing it between his lips.

"Thank you." The boy blushed a bright pink, the same shade as the cotton candy Michael had seen so many eating earlier.

"Don't thank me. It's the truth." Michael replied, letting the flame of his lighter eat the end of the cigarette.

"You're not very great at accepting thanks." The boy laughed, causing Michael's heart to pick up, and his insides to swoon. It took everything inside him not to show the affection he was feeling, he still had to play it cool.

"We should clean you up." Michael commented, trying to avoid an answer to the previous question.

"That would be a good idea." The boy smiled. Michael nodded, and started walking to the fence. "Where are you going?" The boy questioned.

"I figured we would go to the ocean to wash you up. You got another idea?" Michael asked, raising a brow.

"I've never seen the ocean." The boy lit up, his eyes becoming the color of the sky during the warm, sunny spring days Michael looked forward to.

"Let's go then." Michael grinned.

Both boys hopped the fence, then Michael led them to the water.

"I'm Michael by the way."

"I'm Luke." Michael liked the sound of that name. It was simple, and it was beautiful.

"So Luke, I don't think I've seen you 'round town. You new here?" Michael asked, throwing the butt of his cigarette to the ground, and stomping out the spark with the toe of his boot.

"No. I'm part of the freak show." Luke shrugged.

"Oh! Can you do somethin' cool? like swallow swords or somethin'?" Michael asked, his mind seeming to explode at the fact that this pretty boy had some cool and interesting talent.

"No. I wish." Luke laughed. "I'm there for my fashion, and then I sing because it's weird to just stand on stage for people to stare in shock at my clothing."

"You can sing?" Michael asked, finding this too good to be true. Music was Michael's whole world, and discovering that this pretty boy could be a singer was beyond amazing.

"I'm alright. Good enough to not make people hide their ears behind their hands." Luke laughed lightly.

"Can I hear?" Michael asked, not believing the modest words.

"If you come to my show tomorrow." Luke smirked.

"Alright, but only because I'm very interested in the talent you possess." Michael grinned.

The two boys walked through the cooling sand, and stopped at the edge of the ocean waves. Michael looked at the sunset reflected across the glimmering surface. This had always been Michael's favorite sight. He liked how the colors blended together so seamlessly, and the way the water created little specks of glitter along the picture.

"You wanna swim?" Michael asked, pulling the shirt from his body, and throwing it into the sand.

"I don't know how to swim." Luke responded quietly.

"I can show you." Michael offered, this time unbuttoning his jeans.

Luke grinned widely at Michael's offer, his head nodding so fast it looked like it might fall off his body. Luke then slipped his dress over his head, and removed the torn stalking, leaving him in only a pair of silky underwear.

Michael looked at the now stripped boy, his stomach twisting in arousal as he saw the tall legs, and toned tummy. He looked like an angel sculpted by God.

Michael had to turn away quick before he popped a boner and made things uncomfortable. He began to walk to the water, and let the soft waves lap over his feet, sending a rush of cold through his spine. He closed his eyes, and let the salty scent overtake him. He smiled softly, thinking of all the times he spent down by the water. All the times he found himself beneath the waves when he had thought he lost himself.

Michael opened his eyes again, and walked a little deeper, only stopping when the waves circled around his waist. He turned back, seeing Luke still standing on the shore, fearful eyes watching the water.

"Just walk in. It's not that deep here." Michael called to the boy. Luke looked up, his eyes softening when they landed on Michael. Luke seemed to keep focused on Michael as he walked in, it seemed to calm him, and encourage him to come deeper.

Michael thought it was a little odd to be so trusting of Michael after knowing him for such a short time. Michael wouldn't trust anyone that quick, much less a tall, dark haired boy, whose body had scars from numerous fights.

"Why do you trust me so much?" Michael asked when Luke met him in the water.

Luke just shrugged, his eyes still focused on Michael's.

"I guess the worst you could do is drown me." Luke replied. Michael figured that was true, but he was still confused how that was reassuring, and not a reason to go running back to the lit up carnival.

Michael just shrugged it off, figuring that he was also putting trust into Luke, assuming he wouldn't drown him either.

"How are you liking the ocean?" Michael asked, his eyes trained on the sunset reflecting on Luke's eyes.

"It is absolutely beautiful." Luke replied dazedly, his eyes not leaving the melting sun. Michael smiled, glad Luke was enjoying the moment as much as he was.

The two bodies stood waist deep in the water for a while. Luke silently watching the sunset, and Michael silently watching Luke. Watching the way the end of his lips turned up in a soft smile, the way the disappearing sun highlighted his cheekbones, the way his long eyelashes cast shadows on the highest point of his cheeks. Michael watched the way Luke's hands absentmindedly swirled in the water, watched the water swallow his body, the way Luke's shoulders were slumped with complete calm.

Michael thought Luke was absolutely stunning. He was more beautiful than the setting sun, and he was more beautiful than the glimmering waves.

When the sun finally disappeared, and all that could be seen were glimmering stars and the moon, Luke spoke.

"I should be getting back soon." Luke said softly, his hooded eyes falling on Michael, and his arms wrapping around his shivering torso.

"Yeah. That'd probably be good." Michael replied. "Plus it's getting cold. I don't want you to get sick." Michael smiled softly.

Once Michael got to shore, he turned to find Luke. He spotted him slowly exiting the water, for the first time realizing that the wet body was painful when mixed with the chilling wind. Michael would normally laugh, and make a remark about his perky nipples, but Michael didn't know how funny Luke would find that. He didn't want to make him uncomfortable.

Michael instead looked at his toes, watched them be eaten by the soft waves. He watched his toes press into the sand, then watched the sand rinse into the tide, disappearing into the depths of the sea.

Michael often times would come to the beach and watch the water pull away the sand. He would wish he too were sand, so that he could be washed away forever. Michael didn't feel this now though. Michael was happy now. He was with a pretty boy, a boy who could probably sing, a boy who Michael would watch tomorrow.

**

The following afternoon Michael sat alone on a seat under the big tent. He could hear the mindless chatter between strangers, and he even recognized a few of his neighbors in the crowd. Michael impatiently tapped his foot, wanting to be anywhere but here. He hated crowds. He hated how out of place he felt, he hated that he knew almost every single person beneath the tent hated him. Everyone within a hundred mile radius knew he was gay, his father made sure of that.

Finally, the few lights went off, signaling the crowd that the show was about to begin. The crowd went silent, and everyone looked to the center of the room, seeing a tall man step out of the shadows, a top hat rested on his curly blonde locks, and a large, genuine grin on his lips. The crowd watched him walk to the center where a little stool sat, they watched him step atop it, and then listened intently while he introduced the freak show.

Michael didn't have a very big attention span, so halfway through the intro, his mind was already wandering. He kept scanning the room, hoping for a small sign of Luke.

Luke had been on his mind since last night. It took everything in Michael to not come to the fair in the middle of the night and look for him.

After a while, Michael directed his attention back to the center, this time seeing a very muscular man come on stage. A charming grin on his face, and a barely covering suit clinging to his chest. Michael figured this man was the token Hercules man, the one that every freak show had.

Michael was not wrong. This man came out, and basically proved to the crowd that he was unbelievably strong. Michael just sighed, bored by the show. He didn't expect this show would be very special, he just had hoped it would be mildly entertaining.

Michael watched the strong man disappear back into the shadows, and a tall, petite woman emerge. This woman walked up the ladder leading to the tight rope. Once at the top, she grabbed the long pole, and began the shaky walk across the slim wire.

Michael found this part interesting, and his heart raced every time she almost slipped. Michael couldn't take his eyes off of her. She was completely captivating, and Michael wanted it to never end. Michael cheered loudly once she was across, genuinely impressed with her talent.

Next from the shadows came Luke. Michael's heart swooned, and his eyes grew soft as he watched the pretty tall boy come out of the shadows, and the lights coat his porcelain skin.

Luke smiled to the crowd, and gave a little wave. Michael heard a few snickers from the kids beside him, along with inaudible whispering. Michael just tried to block it out though. Now was not a good time to lose his cool, now was the time to take in Luke. To take in his frilly pink dress, and the heels hugging his feet, making him another half inch taller.

Luke walked shyly to the mic, and then waited for the piano to start. Luke started singing Can't Help Falling in Love softly, his voice an angelic call from the heavens, instantly pulling Michael into the trance. Michael felt the silky voice consume the room, let it capture each person, and make them watch. Michael thought the moment was truly beautiful, and he couldn't believe that Luke thought he was an average singer.

Michael clapped the loudest in the crowd, he was also probably the one with the biggest grin. He was even thinking about giving a standing ovation, but then decided not to because he wasn't up for that torment of his neighborhood. He couldn't imagine the whole town gossiping about how he had a crush on one of the freaks. He didn't want the stuffy town's people to talk about Luke at all. Luke was too pure, and gentle to be bad mouthed by the town just because Michael liked him.

Michael watched the new act emerge from the shadow. He saw the brown skin covered in a sleeve of tattoos. Michael thought the new man was very attractive, and he couldn't help but check out his abs. The new man stuck out his tongue, and Michael could see a little indent in the tip. That's when Michael pieced together that this was the snake man the town had spent the night talking about.

Michael was pulled away from the man when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned his head, seeing a smiley Luke sitting beside him, his pink dress resting around his legs.

"You came." He whispered happily.

"I told you I would." Michael smiled back, his heart beating out of his chest.

"Well, thank you." Luke replied, his cheeks turning the same shade as his dress.

"Don't thank me, was just keeping my promise." Michael said back, his gaze going back to the snake man who now had a boa around his arm.

"Still suck at accepting my gratitude." Luke laughed, his eyes still trained on Michael.

"Yeah. Probably always will be." Michael smirked.

"You like Cal, don't you?" Luke asked quietly.

"Who?" Michael asked, looking back at Luke.

"Calum." Luke repeated. "Him." He pointed to the snake man.

"Oh. I don't know. I think his tattoos are awesome." Michael said, his mind trying to piece together why Luke looked so sad.

"Yeah. I've thought about getting one." Luke added quickly, his eyes returning to the fun, playful ones from earlier.

"What do you think you'd get?" Michael asked.

"I don't know. What do you think I should get?" Luke asked.

"I think you should think about it until you have something you want on your skin permanently." Michael replied, looking back just in time to watch Calum leave.

"Okay." Luke sighed, sounding a little disappointed in Michael's answer. "What would you get?"

"I don't know. I have a couple things in mind, but nothing definite I guess." Michael said, watching the next act come on stage.

"I think you would look really nice with a tattoo." Luke smiled, his eyes dancing over Michael's arms.

"Thank you." Michael blushed.

"You're welcome." Luke smirked, and Michael could guess what was coming next before Luke could even say it. "See, that's how you respond to peoples thanks."

"Oh, shut up." Michael laughed, the sound a little too loud, and gaining a few wicked glares.

"You wanna get outta here?" Luke asked. Michael nodded his head, not wanting to upset the crowd further with more noise.

Michael followed Luke down the rows, and through the opening of the tent, and back into the blazing sun.

Michael hid his eyes behind his hand, and continued to follow Luke through the fair. Michael kept expecting him to stop, but he just continued through the crowds. He finally stopped in the back of the fair, in front of a cart.

"I just have to stop in, and change into my normal attire." Luke said.

"Okay." Michael nodded, watching Luke disappear into the small space.

"You can come in if you'd like." Luke looked back over his shoulder, seeing Michael kicking gravel, and watching his feet in the dirt.

"Oh, okay." Michael replied, feeling stupid for not catching on sooner. He just shook off this feeling though, figuring it was best not to wallow.

Michael followed Luke into the cart, and took a seat of the little couch thing on the side.

"This is nice." Michael commented, looking around the little, pristine quarters.

"Thank you." Luke grinned, then disappeared behind a curtain that must hide his bedroom.

"You're welcome." Michael replied.

"See. You can learn." Luke said with a giggle.

"Shut up." Michael laughed back, his heart growing at Luke's pretty laugh.

Luke emerged from behind the curtain, this time a small sundress draped over his lanky frame.

"You look nice." Michael smiled, his eyes moving over the flowing body of the dress, the colorful flowers imbedding into his brain, making sure to stain it with the colors he was feeling. Yellow for happy, and bright pink for the adoration he felt.

"Thank you." Luke giggled. "And watch." Luke enthused, twirling on his heels, the skirt of the dress flying around him like the wings of a bird.

"Fuck. That is so cool. I might have to start wearing dresses so I can do that." Michael grinned affectionately.

Luke giggled, and twirled again, a free smile on his face.

"You would look cute in a dress." Luke grinned at Michael when he stopped.

"You think?" Michael asked.

"Of course! I think you'd look good in anything." Luke blushed. "If you'd like, you can borrow a dress."

"Maybe another time." Michael replied.

"Okay." Luke chirped, a warm smile still on his lips, raising his cheek bones to the sky. "After the show a group of us all celebrate. You're welcome to come if you'd like?"

"Okay." Michael replied, standing up from the couch, and following Luke back out into the heat.

They walked through the fair, the scent of greasy fair food making Michael's stomach growl, reminding him that he hadn't eaten yet. He hoped this celebration with Luke's friends included food because Michael wasn't sure how much longer he could go without.

Luke came to a halt in front of a smaller tent placed right behind the one that held the show. Michael stopped behind Luke, trying not to run into him after the abrupt stop. Luke didn't seem to notice though, he just put on a smile, and walked into the tent. Michael followed, instantly feeling out of place when he was behind the thin fabric.

All the people waved to Luke, and yelled greetings, and their compliments on his performance. They all side hugged him, and some just straight up hugged him. Michael just awkwardly walked behind him, nodding politely at a few.

Michael wondered what it was like to have a whole group of people excited to see you, to want to celebrate your performance. Michael wondered what it was like to belong.

"Hey Cal." Michael heard Luke say, bringing him back to the present, and seeing the tall brown man in front of them.

"Hey Lukey. Great job today." Calum replied, a warm smile on his lips, and his eyes scrunched close in happiness. Michael thought he resembled a flower, the kind that would face the sun, and smile all day long.

"Thank you. You were great too. Really impressed my friend Michael." Luke said back, his finger pointing in Michael's direction.

Michael blushed, his heart racing. He hated being put on the spot. He was used to hiding in the back, or being insulted. He wasn't used to normal conversations, especially not the type with two cute boys.

"You were really great." Michael squeaked out, feeling stupid for the words.

"Thanks man." Calum replied coolly, making Michael calm slightly. "Where'd you meet Michael, Luke?"

"I met him yesterday. He scared off a group of mean kids." Luke shrugged.

"Oh, okay." Calum said back, looking Michael over. "Thank you then, Michael." He added, his voice sounding a little questioning of Michael.

"Don't thank me. I just did what anyone would do, I hope." Michael replied, placing a cigarette in his lips, to calm his nerves. He was beginning to feel uncomfortable. Calum seemed to shift from happy, to the mood parents felt when their sons hung around Michael. He seemed fearful, and protective.

"Oh, and he's shit at accepting thanks." Luke laughed, rolling his eyes for effect.

"I can see that." Calum chuckled back, his hand messing Luke's hair. "I'll catch up with you later Lukey." Calum said, giving Michael one last look, the kind of look that made Michael's skin crawl.

"Was he everything you expected?" Luke teased, a playful smirk on his lips.

"And more." Michael joked back, playfully nudging Luke's arm. The joke didn't seem to have a great effect on Luke though. His eyes just became pained, and he tried to hide it with a weak attempt at a smile, and then he just pulled Michael back into the crowd.

Michael felt bad for the joke now, he wasn't sure what he had done wrong, but obviously it wasn't the answer Luke was looking for. Michael wanted to apologize and take it back, but he wasn't sure how, so he just kept following Luke.

**

Michael spent the rest of the afternoon in the tent with Luke. He got to meet most of the other freaks, and he enjoyed food and scotch. Michael felt comfortable, he felt like he belonged here, like no one cared who he liked.

Luke had separated from Michael for a few minutes so that he could go get more food, so Michael just stood alone in the crowd. He wasn't alone long though, after only a few short second Calum was at his side, an unreadable expression on his face.

"I need to talk to you." Calum said, his voice seeming stern, and a little frightening to Michael.

"Yeah, sure." Michael nodded, his mouth becoming dry.

"I just want you to know that if you do anything to hurt Luke, me and the rest of the freaks will hunt you down, and we will kill you." Calum said sternly. Normally Michael would just brush this comment off, but Calum's tone told him not to, Calum's tone told him how serious he was, and that Michael should watch his back.

"I would never dream of hurting Luke." Michael replied.

"Then you shouldn't have to worry." Calum said, placing a cigarette in-between his lips. "Want one?" He asked.

"Sure." Michael replied, accepting the little stick. His placed it between his own lips, and let Calum light it. "Thank you."

"Anytime. You seem like a good kid. Hope I'm right." Calum said before disappearing back into the crowd.

Michael just stayed where he was, watching as the tall boy disappeared, his mind spinning, and replaying the conversation they just had.

**

Michael came to the carnival the entire next month, spending the whole day with Luke. He would watch the show, then he and Luke would celebrate with the other freaks, explore the fair, or go to the ocean.

Michael's favorite was when they went to the ocean. He loved watching Luke smile up at the sky, the sun beating down on his face, drawing freckles across his pale nose. Michael loved watching Luke run carelessly in the water, splashing Michael's side occasionally and laughing. Michael liked the peacefulness of it. There were no screaming kids, no carousel music, no pungent smell of greasy food. The beach was perfect.

The beach is where they would share secrets, and burdens they thought they would carry alone.

The beach is where Michael told Luke about his father, how he found out he was gay, how he outed him to the whole town, how he beats him every day because of it. Michael told Luke that his dad liked to drink, and their house always reeked of the stuff. Michael told Luke that he wished he hadn't gave his virginity to his father's boss, how he wished his first time wasn't a quickie in a gas station. Michael shared everything.

The beach is where Michael learned Luke had never met his real parents. They left Luke at the freak show, just left him lying on the seats. No one ever came to claim him, so the freak show took him in. They raised him on what little money they had. They helped him flourish into whatever he wanted to be, and they cared for him through everything. The freak show was all Luke knew.

The beach is where Michael fell in love with Luke. He fell in love with his laugh, he fell in love with the way he twirled in the sand, the way he could make Michael smile through the darkest days, the way he kissed his bruises and told him they would get better, and just every little thing he did. Michael was completely head over heels for the boy, and he knew it would tear him apart.

Luke wouldn't be here permanently, he would be leaving as soon as the leaves turned red, and the crisp wind blew in. Luke would be traveling with the show. He would be seeing new places, meeting new people. Luke would be unreachable. Luke would be gone.

**

It was mid-July, and the boys decided to go celebrate. Michael was happy about the decision. Over the month he had become close with a quite a few members of the show, and he had missed them since lately he and Luke had spent most afternoons at the beach.

Michael walked into the tent, being greeted and hugged by the freaks, and then watching them hug Luke and tell him how great he did. Michael no longer felt uncomfortable or out of place, the place seemed more of a home to him now. He felt a sense of belonging. Like he was theirs, and they were his. Michael loved this feeling more than any feeling he had experienced before, well except for the feeling he got when he looked into Luke's eyes, seeing the sides of his lips curl in a smile.

Calum came over to Luke and Michael, giving them a small wave. Calum had become his best friend out of the bunch, not including Luke. The trio had spent a couple afternoons around the fair together. Calum also had an awesome collection of cigars from different places, and often times, he would let Michael smoke them with him. Calum had even given Michael a small tattoo on his thumb a couple weeks prior. It was a black anchor to symbolize the beach. He never wanted to forget those days with Luke.

"Hey guys." Calum greeted, his scrunched eye smile taking over his face. Michael thought he resembled his neighbor's pug who was always smiling.

"Hey." Michael and Luke replied at the same time, then Luke giggled because he found the unison creepy.

"How's your tat?" He asked, his eyes looking down at Michael wrapped thumb.

"It's good. Looks less red." Michael replied, shrugging his shoulders a bit.

"That good. Make sure to keep moisturizing it." Calum added, giving one last smile, then walking away.

"Do you still like Cal?" Luke asked, picking at the skin by his nails.

Michael shrugged. He wasn't sure. He thought he was very attractive, and he was super nice and cool, but Michael wasn't sure the feelings went beyond platonic. He wasn't sure if he felt the same for Calum as he did for Luke.

"I think he's handsome, but I don't know if I'd date him." Michael replied. Luke nodded, looking away from Michael, and over to the table holding the few items of food, and a couple bottles of various alcohols.

Luke walked to the table, glancing around the room quickly, then he snatched a bottle of scotch, hiding it beneath the skirt of his dress. He then proceeded to walk out of the tent. Michael quickly ran after, following him back into the loud fair that was alive with color, and lights.

Michael followed Luke through the crowds, he followed Luke until they reached the spot on the fence they normally jumped. Luke handed the bottle to Michael, then climbed the fence. Once he was at the top, he reached down for the bottle, and jumped to the ground.

Michael followed after him, then they walked to the beach. The walk was silent. Michael could tell that Luke was on edge. He wasn't sure how to deal with someone in this mood, so he hoped that by staying silent, it would blow over.

When they got to the beach, Luke peeled off his dress, then sat in the sand. Michael removed his own shirt, and his jeans, then sat beside Luke.

Luke opened the bottle of scotch, and took a swig, his eyes seeming glassy in tears. Michael wasn't really sure why he was crying. He wasn't sure of much that was happening. All he knew was that Luke was handing him the bottle, and that he really could use a drink, so he put it to his lips, and let it pour down his throat.

They passed the bottle for a while, both boys just looking out over the water. Michael stopped taking swigs when his mind was becoming dizzy, and sort of out of it. He wanted to still remember today. He wouldn't have very many days with Luke, so he needed to remember every one of them.

"Why'd we leave?" Michael asked.

"The party was boring." Luke replied, setting the bottle by his side.

"I thought it was pretty fun." Michael said, knowing there was a deeper issue.

"You didn't have to leave." Luke replied bitterly, catching Michael off guard.

"I wanted to hang out with you, and you were leaving." Michael said back.

"You could have stayed with Calum. I'm sure he would be grateful for your company." Luke mumbled, a frown on his normally smiling lips.

"Why are you grumpy?" Michael sighed, reaching for the bottle again, and taking a small drink.

"I'm not grumpy." Luke mumbled back.

"Yeah you are. You are all snappy and mean, and I don't know why." Michael replied.

Luke was quiet for a long time after that. Michael figured he was just ignoring him now. Michael assumed he pushed too hard, and now he was getting the silent treatment.

Michael was about to get up and just leave, but Luke was pulling his hand back. Michael looked down at Luke, seeing tear tracks on his cheeks.

"Don't leave." He begged, his voice soft and fragile.

Michael sat back down, not wanting to break the beautiful boy. He let Luke curl into him, feeling the wet tears hit his chest. Michael ran his fingers through Luke's limp hair, placing a gentle kiss on the crown of his head.

"What's wrong Lukey?"  Michael whispered into the strawberry scented hair.

"It's stupid." Luke replied, his voice being choked by the tears.

"It's not stupid if it's making you cry." Michael replied, his heart breaking for the blonde.

"If I tell you, you have to promise you won't be mad." Luke whispered into Michael's chest.

"I promise." Michael replied.

"I'm mad because you like Calum." Luke said softy. Michael wasn't sure what this meant. He didn't understand why this had Luke in tears.

"Okay?" Michael asked.

"You like him, and you don't like me." Luke sniffled.

That's when it fell in place. All the pieces made sense, and everything fit together. That's why Luke always looked sad when Michael checked out Calum's tattoos. That's why Luke looked sad whenever Michael said they were cool.

Michael lifted Luke's head up, seeing more tears stream out of his eyes, making them shiny and soft. Michael looked down at his chapped lips, the ones he had spent anxiously biting for a half hour.

Michael leaned in, letting his eyelids flutter closed. He felt his face getting closer to Luke's, feeling his breath on his skin, and smelling the lingering scotch scent. He kept moving closer, letting his lips collide with Luke's.

**

Michael and Luke spent more afternoons than ever at the beach. The beach was one of the only places they could be together. They could leave gentle innocent kisses on each other's lips, and they could hold hands. They could be like all the couples who Michael always saw in the streets of the fair.

Luke would lay his head in Michael's lap, and Michael would brush the loose strands of hair out of his face. He would watch his face light up brighter than the carousel, and his smile warm Michael's heart better than the sun ever could.

Those few hours on the beach were all Michael had to look forward too, they were the only thing keeping him going. Without these moments, Michael's life would be a swirling sea of endless tragedy.

There would only be mean remarks, bruises on his skin, and cries for God to just take him already. Before Luke, Michael figured there was nothing sweet and gentle in the world, that everything other's talked fondly of, were lies. Michael assumed nothing would get better, and he would rot away in the boring, close minded town.

Michael was tempted every day to climb into the blanket of waves, and let them tuck him in for eternal sleep.

But since he met Luke, he believed again. He believed things could get better. He showed Michael that he could smile again, that there was a place he belonged. Luke reminded Michael of his mother, and the Sunday morning they would make cookies together. Luke reminded Michael that there was some good in the world.

Luke made Michael happy, and Michael liked to believe that he did the same for Luke. He liked to believe that he was the reason Luke was smiling up at him, and he was the reason for the pink blush on his cheeks. Michael liked to believe he and Luke were made for each other, like two halves of a soul, becoming one.

**

It was the final day of July, and the two boys were watching the sunset over the ocean, a warm breeze kissing their tanned skin.

Luke was laying in the sand, his eyes watching the sinking sun, and his chest rising in steady breaths. He looked completely peaceful.

Michael was watching Luke. He was admiring everything about him, trying to memorize it for when he was gone. He never wanted to forget the pretty blonde that let him be himself, and then loved who he was. Michael never wanted to forget the feeling of belonging, of feeling romantic love. Michael never wanted to forget Luke.

Michael leaned over to Luke, placing a gentle kiss on his cheek. Luke looked up at Michael, a small smile on his lips. His hand reached from behind his head up to Michael's neck, and pulled him forward, connecting their lips.

Michael moved his body so that he was hovering over Luke. He let his hands hold him up, resting on the sides of Luke's head.

Michael continued the kiss, let the sweet loving moves lull him into a calm space. He let his body and mind only focus on Luke. He let his ears be flooded with the sound of Luke's heart beating, and the way his lips still tasted like the peanut butter sandwiches they had for dinner.

Michael felt one of Luke's hands make their way below the fabric of his shirt, and move over his pale skin. He felt goosebumps rise on his arms, and his heart thud in his chest. He hoped Luke couldn't feel the desperate thuds rising and falling beneath his skin.

Michael pulled away from Luke's lips, and looked down at the glowing Luke.

"I love you." Michael admitted as he looked into the sea glass eyes, and reddening lips. "I love you more than I've ever loved anyone else." Michael continued, reconnecting their lips, losing himself in Luke once again.

Michael deepened the kiss, his tongue licking at Luke's bottom lip. Luke opened his mouth slightly, allowing Michael's tongue to enter.

Michael explored the new space, his tongue running over as many areas as it could. Luke just sat beneath him, making little whimpering noises as he rutted up against Michael.

Michael pulled away from Luke's lips, and continued to kiss a path down to his open neck.

"I love you too." Luke said when Michael pulled away.

Michael grinned up at Luke, and then bit a dark spot on his neck, making sure everyone knew Luke was his, and he was Luke's.

Luke rutted up against Michael again, and another desperate whine fell from his red lips. His eyes becoming blown and crazy as they looked into Michael's.

Michael loved the sounds Luke was making, and he never wanted them to end, so this time, he ground down, feeling Luke's boner below the thin fabric of his dress.

Michael moved a hand down to Luke's thigh, lifting the dress slightly.

"Take it off." Luke whispered, his fingers running through Michael's hair.

Michael nodded, and pulled the fabric over his head, then he let himself kiss the now exposed chest. He bit at the skin, hoping to turn more a deep purple.

Luke cried beneath Michael, his body now desperately trying to create friction between the two. Michael knew what he wanted, but he wasn't sure if he wanted to take it. He didn't want Luke to regret this in the morning, and make things between them tense. He didn't want to ruin their just budding relationship, not when he didn't have much time left.

But then Michael thought, there wasn't much time left. Only half a month before the circus would move on, and Michael would never see Luke again. So maybe he and Luke should fuck below the setting sun. Maybe Michael should give Luke exactly what he wants, and if Luke regrets it, he regrets it, but at least Michael could say he was as close as he could be with Luke.

Michael sat off of Luke, needing him to confirm it first. He looked down into the almost black eyes, the ones begging Michael to continue his attack.

"What do you want me to do?" Michael asked huskily, his eyes finally taking in Luke's almost nude body. He looked at a little mole on Luke's chest, and his heart squeezed. It was so small and beautiful, and looked like a kiss from god himself.

"I want you to fuck me." Luke whined back, his hands trying to grab for Michael's hair.

"You sure?" Michael asked, not wanting to make the boy uncomfortable.

"A hundred percent." Luke smiled back, pulling Michael's lips back on his.

That night, under the setting sun, Luke lost his virginity to Michael. They both whispered their love as they held each other in the sand. They fell asleep together, their breaths mixing together, and then flowing in the air. Drifting into the air where they would always be one.

**

The next morning, Michael woke up on the shore, his skin cold from the morning wind. He looked at the boy in his arms, seeing the tiny body shake into itself.

Michael quickly grabbed what clothes he could find, and slipped them on himself and Luke. He then picked up the cold boy, placing a gentle kiss on the pale forehead.

"Are you okay?" Michael whispered into the shell of Luke's ear.

Luke just nodded in return, burying his head in Michael's neck.

Michael felt the baby hairs on the back of his neck stand up as Luke's warm breath ghosted over his skin. But then Luke began coughing, and shaking in Michael's arms. There was nothing Michael could do but pick up his pace, and try to get him back to the fair.

Michael reached the fence, and helped Luke over, following close behind. He then picked Luke back up, and carried him to his cart. Once he was there, he carried him inside, burying him beneath a heap of blankets.

Michael hoped he would warm up, but he just kept shaking, so Michael crawled in beside him. He pressed his body against Luke's, hoping his body heat would transfer over.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Michael asked, leaving a soft kiss on the back of Luke's neck.

"Yeah, just a little cold." Luke hummed back, his body pressing back against Michael.

Michael wrapped an arm around Luke, trying to think about anything else besides his mothers last moments, when all she could do was shiver in bed. He tried to think about what he and Luke had just done, and the four little words that fell from Luke's mouth.

"I love you too."

**

A doctor came to check on Luke during the day. He wouldn't warm up, no matter how many blankets Michael laid on top of him.

Michael sat outside the car, Calum stranding by his side. They both had a cigarette in their mouths, and their eyes seemed worried. Michael thought it was silly to worry, it was probably nothing, but it still scared him to death to think of Luke in pain.

Michael tried to distract himself from thinking about what was happening inside the cart, but that didn't work, because the only thought that replaced that one was the thought that Michael could have stopped this. He could have made Luke come back to the park when they finished. Then he could have slept in his warm bed. He would have never been cold in the first place.

"You're really stupid, you know that?" Calum asked between puffs of his cigarette.

Michael just looked at the dirt beneath his feet. He figured it was a rhetorical question.

"What idiot thinks it's smart to sleep on a beach?" Calum laughed humorlessly, throwing the butt if his cigarette to the ground, and stomping out the sparks.

The space between the two slowly filled with awkward silence. The kind that mixed with the smoke filling Michael's lungs, and tried to choke him.

Michael wanted to stop the silence, but he wasn't sure how. He didn't have anything to say to Calum, and he was pretty sure that mindless conversation would only make the brown boy mad, so he just stayed silent.

The doctor walked out of the cart a few minutes later, and both boys rushed to him.

"Is he okay?" Calum asked first, worry evident in his voice.

"He'll be fine. Just a cold. Just let him sleep it off, and try to keep him as warm as you can." The doctor replied.

"Thank you." Calum nodded.

Michael figured that since he had a response, he could leave, so he slipped behind the men, and into the cart. He looked at the bed, seeing a little bump, buried beneath plentiful blankets. He smiled to himself, and slowly walked over to the side of the bed, then fell on top of Luke.

"Hi Michael." He heard the tiny voice come from beneath him.

"Hey Luke." Michael replied, crawling to the side of the heap so he could try and find Luke's face. "You still cold?"

"Yeah." Luke whispered, a small yawn leaving his lips. Michael wanted to coo at the sight, he thought it was the most adorable thing in the world, but he held it back. Now was not the time for that.

"Is there anything I can do?" Michael asked, his finger stroking Luke's cheek.

"Cuddle me?" Luke asked.

Michael nodded happily, and climbed beneath the covers with Luke, pulling the boy against his skin. Luke curled into the embrace, burying his face in the fabric of Michael's shirt.

Michael smiled down at him, and left a gentle kiss on the crown of his head.

"I love you Luke."

"I love you too, Michael."

**

Michael left the car for a couple minutes. He hoped to sneak a breath of air before his love awoke. He knew Luke would be clingy while he was sick, so he needed to care for his own need while the boy was unconscious.

Once Michael was outside, he spotted the tall, dark man, sitting on a stone, a cigarette kissing his thick lips.

"Hey Mike, we need to talk." Calum mumbled, gesturing for Michael to sit beside him.

"Yeah?" Michael asked, sitting next to Calum, and taking the cigarette being offered to him.

"I like you, you know that I like you, but I think it's time for you to move on." Calum said, his eyes unable to meet Michael's.

"What?" Michael sputtered, his mind swirling in shock. This was the last conversation he expected.

"You know this isn't going to last much longer, I mean, we're only here for a few more days. And I saw the marks on Luke, I know about last night, and it's just going to make things worse for him. The longer you're here, the closer you become, and the harder it will be to leave. So please, just think about Luke for a moment. Think about what will be easier for him." Calum said, standing from the rock, and walking back to the fair.

Michael watched him leave, the conversation playing in his head. He couldn't leave. Why would Luke want him to leave?

Michael decided he would just ignore Calum, and go back inside. He walked to the door, slowly creaking it open, hoping it wouldn't wake Luke. Michael then walked to the side of Luke's bed, and looked down at him. He saw his eyes softly closed, the shadows of his eyelashes making art on his cheek bones. Michael thought he was truly beautiful when he slept. And that's when Michael thought that maybe Calum was right.

This relationship was only going to end, and staying here longer would only be torcher to Luke. Staying here, and giving him a false hope that they were forever.

Michael couldn't stay around and hear him ramble about their life together. He couldn't watch the pale face break when Michael would say the inevitable. He couldn't watch large tears spill from his eyes, and sobs rack his body.

Michael couldn't stay, so he left.

He ran out of the car, and he didn't stop running until he was at his house. It wasn't until he was in his room that he noticed the tears running down his cheeks. He just wiped them away, he couldn't deal with them now.

Michael grabbed his stuff, threw it in a bag, and then walked out to the driveway, the car he had been saving for was sitting by the side of the road. He smiled at it, thinking of the time Luke said they would run away in it, they could live their own lives, and see every beach in the world. Michael had foolishly encouraged those dreams, let him believe that they could come true.

But now it was just Michael. It was just Michael running away. Luke couldn't come with, he never could. Luke was home in the freak show, it was his family. Luke could see every beach on the tour with the circus, and Michael hoped that at each one he thought of him. He knew Luke would be happy, he would move on and keep singing. Luke was better off without him.

But Michael would always remember Luke. He would remember the one summer they met. He would remember sunset kisses, and feeding each other cotton candy behind the tarps. He would remember Luke's giggle, and the way his sweaty skin felt pressed against his own.

Michael would remember how he felt around Luke, the feeling of his heart swelling in his chest. Michael would remember what it felt like to be happy, to have hope, to look forward to tomorrow. Michael would remember what it felt like to belong somewhere, and have people look out for you.

Michael would always remember this summer. Michael would always remember Luke.

**Author's Note:**

> come talk to me on tumblr: princessmikey
> 
> title from carousel by Melanie Martinez


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